Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing
all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like
you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why
not." So, the rabbit sat on
the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate
be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very,
very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,"
sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull,
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the
tree. Soon he was promptly spotted
by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts
wanted to be Boss. The Brain said,
"I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and
functions." The feet said,
"We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he
wants to go." The hands said,
"We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up. All
the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went
on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes
became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began
to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole
should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed
out the shit!
don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.
Lesson Number Four
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold, the Bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and
dropped some dung on it. As the
frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it
was. The dung was actually thawing
him out! He lay there all warm
and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly
dug him out and ate him!
Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
And when your in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
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