Memorandum to all employees

FROM: The Management

It has been brought to my attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal conversation between employees. Due to complaints from some of the more easily offended workers, this conduct will no longer be tolerated.

The management does, however, realize the importance of each person being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with their fellow employees. Therefore, the management has complied the following code list.

It is imperative that all employees understand and memorize the coded phrases, so that the proper exchange of ideas on information can continue.

OLD PHRASE: No fucking way!

NEW PHRASE: I'm not certain that's feasible.

 

OLD PHRASE: You gotta be shitting me.

NEW PHRASE: Really?

 

OLD PHRASE: Tell someone who gives a fuck.

NEW PHRASE: Perhaps you should check with.....

 

OLD PHRASE: Ask me if I give a shit.

NEW PHRASE: Of course I'm concerned.

 

OLD PHRASE: It's not my fucking problem.

NEW PHRASE: I wasn't involved with the project.

 

OLD PHRASE: What the fuck?

NEW PHRASE: Interesting behavior.

 

OLD PHRASE: Fuck it. It won't work.

NEW PHRASE: I'm not sure I can implement this.

 

OLD PHRASE: Why the fuck didn't someone tell me sooner?

NEW PHRASE: I'll try to schedule that.

 

OLD PHRASE: Who the fuck cares.

NEW PHRASE: Are you sure there is a problem?

 

OLD PHRASE: Fuck You!

NEW PHRASE: How nice.

 

OLD PHRASE: Eat shit.

NEW PHRASE: You don't say!

 

OLD PHRASE: Eat shit and die.

NEW PHRASE: Excuse me?

 

OLD PHRASE: Eat shit and die, motherfucker.

NEW PHRASE: Excuse me, sir?

 

OLD PHRASE: What the fuck do they want with my life?

NEW PHRASE: They won't be happy with it.

 

OLD PHRASE: Fuck it. I'm on salary.

NEW PHRASE: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

 

OLD PHRASE: Shove it up your ass.

NEW PHRASE: I don't think you understand.

 

OLD PHRASE: This job sucks.

NEW PHRASE: I love a challenge.

 

OLD PHRASE: Who the hell died and made you boss?

NEW PHRASE: You want me to take care of this?

 

OLD PHRASE: Another fucking meeting.

NEW PHRASE: Yes, we should discuss this.

 

OLD PHRASE: I really don't give a shit.

NEW PHRASE: I don't think it will be a problem.

 

OLD PHRASE: He's a fucking idiot.

NEW PHRASE: He's confused.

 

OLD PHRASE: Kiss my ass.

NEW PHRASE: So you'd like my help?

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Stand: 06.06.2001

 

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